Thursday, January 1, 2009

Top 25 GOP Candidates For 2012

Here is a list of the top 25 GOP candidates for President in 2012.

1) Mark Sanford, Governor of South Carolina. The sane conservative choice.
2) Mike Pence, US Representative from Indiana. The insane conservative choice.
3) Tim Pawlenty, Governor of Minnesota. No strikes against him. Slogan: "If McCain had picked me, who knows?"
4) Rick Perry, Governor of Texas. If he thinks he can win re-election in 2010, he'll do it and then run for President. If he thinks Hutchison will beat him (see #9 below), he won't run for re-election, and then run for President.
5) Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts. He has to be on the list because it's possible that nobody else with access to serious funding will run. In the meantime, will he run for governor or senator of one of his various home states (which now includes California)?
6) Jim DeMint, US Senator from South Carolina. Sure acts like he wants it more than anybody else.
7) John Thune, US Senator from South Dakota. It's a shame that Daschle isn't going for the rematch in 2010. That would be a great race.
8) Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana. Says he's not going to run in 2012. They're so cute the first time they say that!
9) Kay Bailey Hutchison. Assuming she becomes governor of Texas (see #4 above) she'd be in great position for it. Slogan: "A Republican woman who knows stuff."
10) Mitch Daniels, Governor of Indiana. A rarity: a Republican who has recently won an election.
11) Bill Frist, former Senator from Tennessee. Consider yourself warned: the doctor is planning a comeback.
12) Jon Huntsman Jr., Governor of Utah. Mormon, but less creepy than Mitt. Would be higher on this list, but I assume that Romney will torpedo him as revenge for endorsing McCain.
13) Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House from Georgia. Running for President is a great way to meet chicks.
14) Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi. A real rarity: a competent Republican.
15) Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska. Would be lower on this list, but how do I know it isn't God's will?
16) Charlie Crist, Governor of Florida. He got married to a woman earlier this month, which is supposed to put the gay rumors behind him. Good luck with that.
17) Eric Cantor, US Representative from Virginia. He's Mr. Ambition.
18) Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas. Have you noticed that he's been putting the weight back on? Remember when everyone was watching Al Gore's waistline for signs that he was getting in shape to run last year?
19) John Ensign, US Senator from Nevada. As chair of the Republican Senate Campaign Committee, he cleverly cleared away much of the field of prominent Republicans.
20) Tom Ridge, former Secretary of Homeland Security. Great candidate, but his pro-choice position makes him unfeasible -- unless he can concoct a better magical sanctity-of-life conversion story than Romney did. Possible campaign slogan: "I left Homeland Security WAAAYY before Katrina!"
21) Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida. Perhaps the next US Senator from Florida. Still, 2012 might be too soon for rehabbing the family name.
22) Gen. David Petraeus, CENTCOM Commander. An awful lot of conservatives seem to think this is a serious possibility, and I guess it makes at least as much sense as Wesley Clark did.
23) Lindsay Graham, Senator from South Carolina. Third most likely South Carolinian. A real loser.
24) Don Carcieri, Governor of Rhode Island. Sure, nobody knows him. That's his upside.
25) Unknown business tycoon. I'm sorry to wimp out like that, but I think there's a legitimate chance that the nominee will be some extremely successful but relatively little-known executive -- a center-conservative version of Virginia's Mark Warner, or a Christian version of Michael Bloomberg -- who has never run for public office before. And I have no idea who it might be.
Published Dec 31 2008, 10:40 AM by David S. Bernstein

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